ATTAP - Humor Pages

                                Computer Advice

  * Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.

  * Backups? We don't *NEED* no steenking backups.

  * All computers wait at the same speed.

  * ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!

  * Buy a Pentium 160MHz so you can reboot faster.

  * Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

  * Computers are not intelligent; they only think they are.

  * My software never has bugs; it just develops random features.

  * Best file compression around:  "DEL *.*" = 100% compression.

  * As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.

  * Does fuzzy logic tickle?

  * A computer's attention span is only as long as its power cord.

  * 11th commandment - Covet not thy neighbor's Pentium.

  * 24 hours in a day...24 beers in a case...coincidence?

  * Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.

  * Windows: Just another pain in the glass.

  * Ultimate office automation: networked coffee.

  * RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure.

  * Programmers don't die, they just GOSUB without RETURN.

  * Real programmers don't document.  If it wasn't hard to write, it should not
    be hard to understand.

  * Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers.

  * If your mouse is missing, try the foot pedal.

  * Man is never so tall as when he stoops to help a small computer.

  * Relax, its only ONES and ZEROS!

  * Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.

  * Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.

  * Double your drive space - delete Windows!

  * Never violate the Prime Directory! C:\

  * Today's assembler command : EXOP Execute Operator

  * Nobody has ever, ever, EVER learned all of WordPerfect.

  * To define recursion, we must first define recursion.

  * Good programming is 20% sweat, 50% coffee and 30% vending machine cheeze
    crackers.

  * Real programmers never use PC's.  If it wasn't for mainframe delays, there
    wouldn't be time to go to the bathroom and talk with other real
    programmers.

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Created May 1, 1996
Last updated November 5, 1996
            Copyright (c) 1996, ATTAP, All Rights Reserved Worldwide