ATTAP - Humor Pages

        Collection Of 'One-Liner' Signature Files Found On The Internet

  * Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

  * I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got!

  * We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

  * Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!

  * Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

  * I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!

  * He who laughs last thinks slowest!

  * Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

  * "More hay, Trigger?" "No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed!"

  * A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

  * Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

  * There's too much blood in my caffeine system.

  * I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.

  * Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!

  * Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now .

  * Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

  * I won't rise to the occassion, but I'll slide over to it.

  * What is a "free" gift?  Aren't all gifts free?

  * Assassins do it from behind.

  * If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.

  * "Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."

  * Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

  * Liberalism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy, and
    rich.

  * Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

  * I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.

  * Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.

  * I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

  * The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

  * Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.

  * The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

  * When there's a will, I want to be in it.

  * Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?

  * Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.

  * I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.

  * We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?

  * All generalizations are false, including this one.

  * Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

  * "Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy.

  * C:\BELFRY is where I keep my .BAT files.

  * ASCII to ASCII, DOS to DOS.

  * How do I set my laser printer on stun?

  * "Today's subliminal thought is:"

  * '.... now touch these wires to your tongue!'

  * According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist.

  * It's redundant! It's redundant! -R. E. Dundant

  * Logic: The art of being wrong with confidence...

  * To iterate is human; to recurse, divine.

  * If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0

  * CCITT - Can't Conceive Intelligent Thoughts Today

  * This message transmitted on 100% recycled electrons.

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        e-mail me (dreitz@one.net) with any comments, suggestions, etc.

Created May 1, 1996
Last updated November 5, 1996
            Copyright (c) 1996, ATTAP, All Rights Reserved Worldwide