From: rolland.k.kendall@mail.sprint.com
Sent: Friday, June 22, 2001 11:47 AM
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Subject: LABEL INSTRUCTIONS




      LABEL INSTRUCTIONS

  
> In case you needed further proof that the
>    human race is doomed through stupidity,
>    here are some actual label instructions on
>    consumer goods.
>_______________________________________
>    On a Sear's hairdryer:
>    "Do not use while sleeping."
>    (Gee that's the only time I have to work on
>    my hair.)
>
>    On a bag of Fritos:
>    "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
>    Details inside."
>    (The shoplifter special)
>
>    On a bar of Dial soap:
>    "Directions: Use like regular soap."
>    (And that would be how ...?)
>
>    On some Swanson frozen dinners:
>    "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
>    (But its "just" a suggestion)
>
>    On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on
>    bottom):
>    "Do not turn upside down."
>    (Too late!)
>
>    On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
>    "Product will be hot after heating."
>    (As night follows day . . .)
>
>    On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
>    "Do not iron clothes on body."
>    (But wouldn't this save me more time?)
>
>    On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
>    "Do not drive a car or operate machinery
>    after taking this medication."
>    (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of
>    construction accidents if we could just
>    get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off
>    those forklifts.)
>
>    On Nytol Sleep Aid:
>    "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
>    (One would hope.)
>
>    On most brands of Christmas lights:
>    "For indoor or outdoor use only."
>    (As opposed to what?)
>
>    On a Japanese food processor:
>    "Not to be used for the other use."
>    (I gotta admit, I'm curious.)
>
>    On Sainsbury's peanuts:
>    "Warning: contains nuts."
>    (Talk about a news flash.)
>
>    On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
>    "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
>    ( Step 3: Fly Delta.)
>
>    On a child's superman costume:
>    "Wearing of this garment does not enable you
>    to fly."
>    (I don't blame the company. I blame parents
>    for this one.)
>
>    On a Swedish chainsaw:
>    "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands
>    or genitals."
>    (Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?
>    My God!)
>